T HE COLLEGE CHUM S 

HiURY L. NEWTON'S 

One-Act Comedy Sketches, 

Monologues and 

Dramatic Episodes 




ACTOR AND THE JANITOR, THE 

A Comic Novelty Act 

CASEY THE INVENTOR A Vaudeville Comic 
CHATTE Monologue for Males 

COLLEGE CHUMS, THE A Comedy Incident 

DOWN IN PARADISE ALLEY Comedy Sketch 
FAMILY SECRET Monologue 

GIVE THE WOMEN A CHANCE 

A Suffragette Monologue 
IMMIGRANT INSPECTOR A Comedy Talkfest 
IN A CABARET Comedy Crossfire 

INVITATION TO THE BALL Comedy Sketch 
IZZY'3 VACATION A Summer Episode 

JACK AND HIS QUEEN, A A Comedietta 

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL 

Comedy Sketch 
MEET MY WIFE A Comedy Drama 

MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE, 

THE A Comedy Domestic Upheaval 

PAIR OF PANTS, A Talking Act 

ROSE OF MEXICO, A A Drama 

SALLIE AND SAMMIE A Comedy Skit 

SPIRIT OF CAPTAIN KIDD. THE Comedy 

TWO GIRLS AND HIM Comedy Sketch 

WHAT EVERY WOMAN THINKS SHE 

KNOWS Suffragette Monologue 

Price, 25 Cents Each 




M. WITMAFK & SONS 

Witmark Buildin^t I44-H6 West 37th Street, New York 



FRANK DUMONT'S FAMOUS PLAYS 

"A TRAMP AMONG CRANKS," 

Or 

PERPETUAL MOTION. 

Sketch for 6 males. 

By Frank Dumont. 

A laughable experience in a sanitarium of '^eccentric" 

inventors. Contains an excellent low comedy part. 

Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 

''TWO WOMEN AND ONE MAN." 

Sketch for two females. 

By Frank Dumont. 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 
Bella Sanders, | 

Estelle Williams, ) College Chums 

Two schoolmates meet, not having seen each other 
since leaving college. The talk over old times is very 
Amusing. Naturally, they talk over the good and bad 
points of other mates, although neither believed in 
^'running down" their neighbors. While in college 
they had agreed never to marry without consulting the 
other, but time changes matters and they both fall in 
love with the same man. Nothing could bring discord 
to these two loyal friends— but — the man — makes a 
charige, and, womanlike, they abuse each other with the 
tongue. It turns out that the man marries one of 
their despised mates, so nothing is left but to console 
each other by ridiculing the man's choice. 

Excellent sketch for two ladies. Can be done in 
white or black face. 

Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 

•^LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD." 

A Modern Musical Burlesque. 

By Frank Dumont. 

Five Males — Two Females. 

There are many burlesques on "Little Red Riding 
Hood." Mr. Dumont, however, has really outdone all 
others on this occasion. Ours is an unusual production. 
We have incorporated all the musical numbers in the 
book of the play, including the dramatic or cue music. 
Any musical society can handle this version. Contains 
•excellent speaking parts and abounds in good comedy 
lines and music. Price, 50 cents, postpaid. 

With complete piano score of original vocal and 
incidental numbers. 

We also rent manuscript arrangements for orchestra 
when desired. 

M. WITMARK & SONS 

87 Witmark Bldg. New York 

POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 



THE COLLEGE CHUMS 



A COMEDY INCIDENT 



By 
HARRY Iv. NEWTON 



Copyright MCMXIV by M. IVitmark (^ Sons 
International copyright secured 



Published by 

M. WITMARK & SONS 
Witmark Building, New York 



CHICAGO LONDON 



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THE COLLEGE CHUMS 

Note. — The acting rights of this Play are expressly 
reserved by the Publishers, to zvhom 
Theatrical Managers who wish to produce 
it should apply. Amateur representations 
may be made without such application and 
without charge. 



SEP -2 1914 



©CID 38031 



i' 



CHARACTERS. 

Tom Wilde A Convivial College Chap, 

Webster Bridge His Chitm. 

Scene — A Street in ''One/' 
Time.— 10 P. M. 

SYNOPSIS 

The Yell College baseball nine has been defeated 
by the Stafford nine, and Wilde is celebrating the 
defeat of his nine by a riotous evening. He re- 
moves a barber pole from its customary perch and 
is ''hitting the high places" when discovered by 
Bridge. The latter incidentally also discovers a 
foundling in a basket, which, at first, places him in 
something of an embarrassing position. Plowever, 
the baby works a change in both boys, as the story 
unfolds. 

Both characters are dressed as typical college 
youths. The general make-up of Wilde must sug- 
gest a leaning towards the flashy, while that of 
Bridge is on the more sedate order. Wilde is a 
careless, happy-go-lucky chap and optimistic. 
Bridge, prudent and pessimistic, but withal a good- 
hearted chum. 

PROPERTIES. 

Barber pole ; cigarettes, market basket, w^hite 
cloth to cover basket, dummy baby in basket. 



DIAGRAM OF STAGE. 

O.R.C. CO. b.l-.C. 



I 

J 
I 



HZ.B. 



L,C. 



^ t..uc 

V 



AUDIE.NCE* 

L. I E. — Left first entrance. 
R. I E. — Right first entrance. 
L. U. E. — Left upper entrance. 
C. — Centre of stage. 
R. C. — Right centre of stage. 
L. C, — Left centre of stage. 

C. D. — Centre door. 

D. R. C. — Door right centre. 
D. L. C. — Door left centre. 



"THE COLLEGE CHUMS." 



[At rise of curtain, Wilde is heard singing (off) 
in maudlin fashion, then enters, lugging a barber 
pole. He advances to center stage and sets it up- 
right. The bottom of pole should be sufficiently 
weighted to permit his leaning against it without 
its toppling over. He leans against the pole, gives 
vent to a silly laugh, which is checked by a sharp 
hiccough. He then fishes a cigarette from coat 
pocket and puts it in mouth, after comedy biz of 
trying to locate mouth, then searches pockets for 
a match as he begins speech, leaning against pole.] 

Tom. — I told the doctor I wasn't feeling well 
and he told me to take something. So I did. I 
took a few highballs. (Laughs). Then as a chaser 
I took this dear old barber pole, so I would have 
something to lean the poor highballs against when 
the earth began to do a two-step, barn dance and 
Indian dances, which the said earth did about 15 
minutes ago. I don't like that barber anyhow. 
He's got a double chin, both of which are devoted 
to conversation. Then this morning he told me 
he'd give me two dollars to paint this pole. I 
told him I would but I didn't have any striped paint. 
(Laughs, then sudden check zi'ith hiccough). I 
was standing down at the corner a few minutes 
ago, and a stranger came up to me and said, 
Young man, give me $10.00 and I'll have the jani- 
tor of that tall building turn it around for you. 
Go on and run along, I says, I owe that janitor 
$40.00 already. (Almost falls, but grabs pole and 
swings around it). 



THE COLLEGE CHUMS 



Enter Bridge, L. L He carries a large market 
basket in right hand, over which is spread a white 
cloth. Inside basket is a dummy baby, to represent 
one about six months old. He stops short on dis- 
covering Wilde, then sets basket down deep center, 
advances to Wilde, puts both hands in coat pockets 
and stares angrily at him. Slight pause before 
speech. 

Bridge {sternly) Drunk again. 

Tom (hie) So am I, old chap. So am L 

Bridge — I'm ashamed — deeply ashamed. 

Tom — Come on and grab ahold of the pole, then 
folks won't get next. Say, that's nearly a joke. 
Barber pole and next. Get it? (Laughs). 

Bridge (^^^rn/3;)~Tom Wilde, you are certainly a 
choice bit of human anatom}^ WTiat in the world 
did you get intoxicated for to-night? 

Tom — Oh, you mean why did I get a souse on? 
Webster Bridge, I'm surprised at you. I am cele- 
brating. 

Bridge — Celebrating what ? 

Tom — The glorious victory of our baseball nine. 
Our dear old Yell College boys licked the living 
splinters out of Stafford. 

Bridge — AA'hat ! Why, man, you're clean dafify. 
Our boys were beaten to a severe frazzle. Nine to 
three. That was the score to-day. Nine to three. 

Tom — To-day ? 

Bridge — Yes, to-day. 

Tom — Oh, Tm not speaking of to-day. Three 



THE COLLEGE CHUMS 



years ago we licked 'em, eight to nothing. Thafs 
the victory Lm celebrating, old chap. (Gives vent 
to college yell). 

Bridge — Tom, this is my second year at Yell Col- 
lege, but with all my hard study and grind, I find 
my vocabulary totally inadequate to express my 
deep disgust at your depraved conduct. I have 
tried to be a good chum to you in every way, and 
no one can say it's the environment that leads you 
into evil ways. You drink, play poker, neglect 
your studies and smoke cigarettes. Bah ! Cig- 
arettes : The curse of student life, the ban of the 
faculty. Cigarettes : dwarfing the physique, 
clouding the intellect, bringing tears to the 
mother's eyes and wringing weary sighs from the 
fond father's heart. My boy, can nothing move 
you? Come now, what do you say? 

Tom {During tirade has been feeling in pockets 
-for a match, but at the same time has been listening 
with seeming gravity, puts cigarette in month). 
Say, Webb, have you got a match about you? 

Bridge {Turns away impatiently.) Oh, what's 
the use: I might as well talk to that barber pole. 

Tom (Laughs) — You old grind. Why can't 
you see the bright side of things? I'll bet you 
haven't smiled in five years, have you? 

Bridge {Turns to Tom, placing hands gently on 
both shoulders) . Old Chap, life is a serious prop- 
osition to me. Perhaps at that I enjoy it in my 
own way fully as much as you think you do in 



THE COLLEGE CHUMS 



yours. I don't like to preachy but if I could make 
vou see the error of your ways — but it's no use. 
I got you to go to church several times, and each 
time you went to sleep. Did you ever break your- 
self of the habit of sleeping in church? 

Tom — Sure — entirely. 

Bridge— Why, that's good. How did you do it? 

Tom — ^Quit going to church. 

Bridge — Oh, what's the use ! 

Tom — Well, outside of those few things you 
mentioned, I'm all right, ain't I? 

Bridge — You have some redeeming qualities. 
For instance, I never knew you to run after women. 

Tom — My boy, never run after a street car or 
a woman — there'll be another one along in a couple 
of minutes. 

Bridge (Impatiently) — This nonsense must 
stop. L intend to take you strictly in hand. Come 
on home. It's time you were in bed. Last night you 
were out late. What time did you turn in last 
night ? 

Tom — Say, Webb, it was so late last night when 
I crawled in that I was ashamed to look the clock 
in the face. (Laughs.) ^ 

Bridge — I thought as much. Now here — here's 
this barber pole thing. Where did you get tangled 
up with that? 

Tom— Say, kid, that's what I call a brilliant idea. 
Carry your own prop with you, see? Then you 
don't have to wait till one comes along and bumps 
into you. 



THE COLLEGE CHUMS 



Bridge — Yes — very brilliant. Your conduct will 
be the talk of the town. You'll be ostracised from 
all society. Everybody will cut you dead. And 
what do you suppose the barber will do? 

Tom — I suppose the barber will cut me too, first 
chance he gets. 

Bridge — Oh, you can joke all you're a mind to, 
but the fact remains that now you are nothing 
more or less than a common thief. Yes, it pain, 
me deeply to say it, but you are a thief. Not con- 
tent with all your other vices, drinking, gambling, 
smoking cigarettes, etc., etc., you now cap the 
climax by steahng an honest barber's pole — 

Tom — Go on — rub it in. (Finds a match in poc- 
ket, brings it out, holds it up and smiles broadly 
at it.) Gee whiz, I've found a match! (Lights 
cigarette and takes two or three ecstatic puffs) 

Bridge (Turns on heel) — Oh, I'm going home. 

Tom (Turns and discovers basket) — Say Webb, 
what's doing with the basket thing? 

Bridge (Whirling about and looking at basket) 
—Oh, that? Really, I don't know. 

Tom — Don't know^ ? Isn't that your basket. 

Bridge (Slowly) — Yes and no. 

Tom — What's in it? 

Bridge — I don't know, Tom. I stumbled over it 
coming from the lecture hall. It was on the door 
step, and, being in a hurry to round you up, I 
never even stopped to examine it. 

Tom — I'm hungry — ^^it looks like a lunch from 
where I stand. 



THE COLLEGE CHUMS 



Sound of a baby's cry is given. The imitation may 
be worked by stage hand back of drop. 

Bridge {Starting in surprise) — Well, by George! 

Tom {Looking suspiciously from Bridge to bas- 
ket) — That's no lunch, Webster Bridge. That's a 
baby. {Goes close to Bridge, faces him, hands in 
pockets, with mock severity in voice and manner.) 
Mr. Bridge, Lm surprised at you — and deeply 
shocked! In all the years I've spent in Yell Col- 
lege, my vocabulary is totally inadequate to ex- 
press my deep disgust at your awful conduct. 
You, an abductor of innocent babies ! Don't speak. 
Listen. It's not the environment that impels you 
to stoop to such a crime, for I never kidnapped 
a kid in all my life. No — it's not that. {Almost 
crying.) Oh, Webb, how could you do it? I may 
steal an honest barber pole — I mean, a poor barber, 
but I draw the line at poor little innocent babies. 
Oh, you — {baby cries again.) 

Bridge — Stop ! You've gone far enough. On 
my w^ord of honor I did not know^ — 

Tom — Don't speak to me, you scoundrel ! Stand 
aside. Justice shall be served! {Goes to basket 
and takes out baby, holds it up.) By gosh, If it 
ain't a regular baby. {Lays it back in basket, then 
takes cigarette from mouth and tosses it away, then 
removes hat and gazes reverently down at baby.) 

Bridge {Taking off hat and bending over 
basket) — Well, what do you think of that ! {Goes to 
pick baby up.) 



THE COLLEGE CHUMS 10 



Tom — (Thrusting him aside.) No, you don't. 
I'm the foundling's home. Come on tootsie-woots. 
Want to come to papa? {Holds out his hands, then 
takes baby up.) Oh, you kiddo ! Look at the 
son-of-a-gun, \\^ebb, he's smiling to beat aces up. 

Bridge (Smiles broadly, then playfully chucks a 
finger under baby's chin) — Say, Tom, he's a beaut, 
isn't he? 

Tom — (Looking at Bridge.) Gee whiz, if old 
deacon Bridge hasn't got a smile on his face — the 
first one I ever saw there (/6> baby.) Say, kid, 
you're a w^onder ! 

Bridge — Say, Tom, I wonder if it's a boy or a 
girl? 

Tom — I don't know. I'm a stranger around here 
myself. 

Bridge — (Laughs, then:) Look out, Tom, ifs 
going to cry. 

ToM — It's? What do you call it ''it's" for? 

Bridge — Well, how do we know — Gee, look at 
it's face — all puckered up. 

Tom — (Bouncing baby up and dozvn and jump- 
ing about.) I wonder what they do to 'em when 
they cry? 

Bridge — (Drawlingly.) Oh, different things — 

Tom — (Excitedly.) Go on, do something. It'll 
bust in a minute. (Jumps madly about.) 

Bridge — (Jumps about with him, then both give 
vent to college yells and Indian zvar cries.) Look, 
look, he's laughing again. (Stops jumping.) 



11 THE COLLEGE CHUMS 



Tom — {Stands still and looks at baby.) Gee, 
I should think he would. Ell bet he never saw 
anything quite so funny before in all his life. 
(Thoughtlessly allozi^s baby's head to fall dozi^n- 
ward, holding it by bottom of dress.) Say, I for- 
got. You didn't explain to me how you came by 
this. You — 

Bridge — (Yelling.) Look out there. Look the 
way you're holding him. 

Tom — (Madly grabbing baby and putting it 
straight in arms.) Whew! 

Bridge — You're a fine mother, you are. Say, 
there may be something in the basket — a note or 
something. (On knees, hands in basket, brings 
out a large square white cloth, holds it up.) 
Wonder what this is? 

Tom — That's his handkerchief, you rummie. 

Bridge — Of course. (Fumbles in basket, brings 
forth an envelope zvith sheet of paper inside.) Ha, 
here's the clue to the mystery. (Opens envelope, 
lakes out note, reads aloud.) ''To the finder: The 
mother of this baby boy was compelled to abandon 
it on account of family reasons. The child is a 
legitimate one, and the finder need have no fear on 
that score. Be good to baby and Heaven will re- 
\vard vou and bring you good luck. A heart 
broken mother." 

Tom — A\'^ell, Ell be damned — no, no, excuse me, 
baby. I didn't mean that. 

Bridge — A\^ell, what are we going to do with it? 
Call the police or — 



THE COLLEGE CHUMS 12 



Tom — Nix. No police or foundling's home for 
this kid. Em going to be mother, father, sister, 
brother — the whole works, see ! 

Bridge — But where do I come in? I just got to 
be something. 

Tom — You can be uncle. {To baby.) Kiddo, 
look at what's going to be uncle to you. 

Bridge — A fine father and mother you'll make, 
v\^on't you? You with your drinking, cigarettes, 
and — 

Tom — (Gravely.) Listen, Webb. I have a feel- 
ing that this dear little thing here is going to do for 
me what all your preaching has failed to do. Em 
going to quit that drink thing, ditto for all the rest, 
No more for yours truly. Eurthermore, Em going 
to give this kid and his mother a hell of a good 
run for their white alley. Do you get that, son? 

Bridge — By gosh, put her there. (They clasp 
hands.) A\'e'll call it the "College Baby," and you 
can count on me to the fare thee well. 

Tom — See, W^ebb, look at it smile. On the level, 
I believe he's hep to every word Eve said. You 
grab that barber pole and Ell tote his "Royal 
Highness." 

Bridge — AAhere are you going? 

Tom — Down to Alurphy's restaurant to stake it 
to a swell feed. 

Bridge — Say, Murphy can't give a baby any- 
thing it can eat. 

Tom — Then maybe Mrs. ]\Iurphy can. Come on. 

[Tom thrusts baby under one arm, head hanging 



13 THE COLLEGE CHUMS 



down, puts both hands in pockets and exits with 
careless, happy-go-lucky swagger. Bridge grabs 
pole and staggers after him, yelling: '^Look out 
Tom, you're spilling it/'] 



CURTAIN. 



PLAYS— SKETCHES AND MONOLOGUES 



'THE HABITAT'S REVENGE/' 

A Play in One Act. For 2 Males. 
By Gordon Rogers. 

A Canadian-French trapper, while recalling how he 
and his daughter were wronged by a stranger to whom 
he showed hospitality, twenty years ago, that very 
night, and plotting revenge, is suddenly visited by 
apparently the same man, whom he recognizes, but 
who does not recognize him. Taking the visitor at 
a disadvantage, the trapper, before wreaking vengeance 
Upon him, discloses his identity, and recites his wrongs 
to him, recalling how he was robbed of his only 
daughter, twenty years before, by the handsome 
stranger. 

While the trapper is seeking his child his aged father 
dies at home, and the daughter afterwards returns to 
her father's cabin only to die on its threshold. For 
all this, vows the trapper, the other must die, but just 
as the much-wronged man is about to put his threat 
into execution, the younger, realizing that he is the 
son of the wrongdoer, declares himself just in time to 
save his life. 

A powerful dramatic story, most effectively told, and 
affording opportunities for the portrayal of a strong 
character study and of an attractive juvenile part. 

Price, 25 cents, postpaid 

"THE REHEARSAL." 

A Novel Social Entertainment. For 7 Females. 
By Effie W. Merriam. 

In this most amusing playlet the participants mingle 
with the audience, thus making the entertainment ap- 
pear to be entirely extemporaneous. Neither stage, 
scenery nor special costumes are needed to make it' 
effective; in fact "The Rehearsal" may be acceptably 
given either in the parlor or on the porch or lawn, 
and is so arranged that very little memorizing is neces- 
sary — a great point in its favor, especially w^hen but 
little time can be given to preparation. 

Price, 25 cents, postpaid 



M. WITMARK & SONS 

87 Witmark Bldg. New York 

POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 



DRAMATIC SKETCHES. 

"THE LAST OF THE CARGILLS." 
A Dramatic Scene for 1 Male and 1 Female. 

A beautiful story, full of sentiment and refined humor 
of the Southland. An excellent opportunity for a wo- 
man who can portray the old time southern *'mammy,'* 
and for a man who can depict the old southern lover* 
A character full of dignity and pathos. 

The scene shows the dining-room in an old southern 
mansion on Christmas day. Outside the snow is falling, 
inside all is bright and cheerful. George Cargill has the 
Christmas dinner table laid with covers for all his lost 
loves, and his best friend; although he alone sits at 
the board. In a reminiscent mood he recalls all the 
qualities, good and bad, of his one time sweethearts 
and of his best friend, and speaks as though they were 
present. 

Finally when **01d Mammy" brings in the turkey she 
finds that *'the last of the Cargills," has gone to join 
those he loved, in the great beyond. 

Price, 25 cents, postpaid 

"JOHN CLAYTON, ACTOR!" 
A Play in One Act for 2 Males and 1 Female. 

This little play might well be called " a modern Gar- 
rick," and closely follows the general theme of Gar- 
rick, although it is entirely different. 

Louise Warren has worshipped at the shrine of John 
Clayton, a successful actor, and has attended all of his 
performances, to the consternation and dismay of her 
relatives and friends. 

Finally her father. Colonel Warren, a typical southern 
gentleman of the old school, calls on Clayton to per- 
suade him to leave the country or in some way to 
break off the infatuation of his daughter. Louise learns 
of this visit of her father and also calls at Clayton's 
rooms to warn him as she fears her father may do 
him some harm. Clayton promises to disillusion Louise 
and assumes the disguise of Clayton's servant, and after 
hiding Colonel Warren, admits Louise to whom he 
paints Clayton as the most lewd villain. 

Finally Colonel Warren appreciates the sterling qual- 
ities of Clayton, and the sacrifice he is making, enters 
the room and tells Louise, Clayton is only acting, and 
is in reality all she had imagined him to be — her ideal. 

He consents to their union, and all ends felicitously. 
Price, 25 cents, postpaid 

M. WITMARK & SONS 

87 Witmark Bldg. New York 

POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED, 



FRANK DUMONTS FAMOUS PLAYS 

"The DIALECT COMEDIAN." 

By Frank Dumont. 

This is a work that has been much called for. Bits 
of every dialect are presented, giving stories, jokes and 
gags as they should be told. The little book will assist 
you greatlv. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 

"THE ST. LOUIS FAIR HOTEL." 
Sketch by Frank Dumont. 
Four Male Characters. 
Fun galore in this sketch. It shows an avaricious 
hotel keeper in operation assisted by his "faithful" man- 
of-all-work. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 
"McWADE'S PLATOON." 
Burlesque Dialect Police Drill. 
FINALE FOR FIRST PART. 
By Frank Dumont. 
Several nationalities are presented in this drill, giving 
splendid opportunities for good comedy work. Songs 
and marches are introduced, making an excellent finale 
or number for the olio. Something new. 
Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 
"WHEN WOMEN RULE US." 
Burlesque and Court House Scene. 
By Frank Dumont. 
Twenty Characters. 
This satire is arranged specially for ladies wherein 
all the characters are assumed by them; the two hus- 
bands being represented by the ladies also. 

This burlesque may be used by gentlemen who, at- 
tired in grotesque imitation of female wardrobe and 
fads, can create any amount of laughter by imitating 
the gentle sex in mannerisms. 

Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 

"MY NEW TYPEWRITER." 

Sketch by Frank Dumont. 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Fine A. Silk, a busy agent 

Mrs. Silk, his wife, assuming disguises of tough girl, 

old maid and a gushing girly-girly typewriter 

A "screaming" sketch for one male and one female. 
Most excellent for a clever woman who can do char- 
acter parts. In this sketch the female character is 
obliged to assume three distinct roles, all of which lead 
up to complications that are ludicrously funny. Plenty 
of work for the male character — always busy. "My 
New Typewriter" is a satire on a popular topic. The 
theme is carefully worked out. 

Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 

M. WITMARK & SONS 

87 Witmark Bldg. New York 

POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 



THE VERY I 

PLAYS, MONOLOGUES, 



LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



BY 




HARRY L. Nhw^T 



121 7 



"A Rose of Mexico" 

A Comedy-Dramatic Playlet of Mexican Life. 

An Orig^inal Dramatic Playlet for one Male and 
one Female, the scene of which is laid in Mexico. 

The story is of Carmita, a Mexican girl, recently 
returned from school in the United States, and Pedro, 
a Mexican youth who has turned bandit in her ab- 
sence to secure money enough to ask her to marry 
him. 

"A Pair of Pants" 

A Rapid-Fire Talking Act. 
This act for straight man and comedian who 
wants his thre^ dollars, while the other wants his 
pants, Vuns riot with fun, gags, absurdities and snap- 
py lines. Plenty of opportunity for good acting. 

**A Jack and His Queen" 

Comedietta in one act for two Males and one Female. 

Jack Windsor, a young bachelor, returned from 
an eight years' tour of the world, he decides to settle 
down by marrying his fiancee. Flora Mason. Flora 
pays a surreptitious visit to Jack's apartments. "Tot- 
tie Twinkletoes," a dancer, is to call. 

Jack discovers Flora in his rooms and mistakes 
her for Tottie. Flora keeps up the deception and 
some very smart dialogue ensues. 

"An Invitation to the BalP 

A Comedy Sketch for one Male and one Fetaale. 
Plenty of work nnd good comedy for Mose John- 
son, a colored servant, and Birdie Birdsdl. the daugh- 
ter of his master, who has made up her mind to at- 
tend a masque ball with Mose in attendance. 

"Chatter" 

A Monologue for Males. 
This is a brisk and breezy up-to-date monologiie 
for light or low comedians. It is a whirlwind of com- 
ical lines which reach the apex of wit. Used with 
great success by professional entertainers. 

"Down in Paradise Alley** 

An East Side Episode for one Male and one Female. 
Tells a delightful story of a young college gradu- 
ate who has fallen in love with Jerry O'Connell^a lit- 
tle East Side street singer, living in Paradise Alley, 
New York. A charming little playlet in which com- 
edy and pathos are beautifully blended. The special- 
ties introduced throtighout the playlet are at the op- 
lion of the performers. 

"Family Secrets" 

A Monologue for Rube Girl. 
This Rube Girl hands you a laugh every two sec- 
onds on a subject which appeals to all, viz., her de- 
scription of her home and "folks" Up-State. 



"Izzy's Vacation" 

A summer episode in two scenes. 

This is a splendid comedy for Hebrew comedians 
and lady who can play pert young miss. 

Izzy Goldberg is on a vacation in the country and 
running across Grace Howe, a breezy person who, in 
the spirit of mischief, accuses Izzy of having followed 
her 

"Keep Your Eye on^the Ball" 

A Comedy Sketch for one Male and one Female. 

For a clever Irish comedian and leading 
woman Madame Blavatsky. fortune teller, has 
money disguises himself as Madame Blavatsky. The 
coniplications that follow must be read to be appre- 
ciated. 

"Meet My Wife" 

A Comedy SketcK for two Males and one Female. 

George Chamberlain, a hen-pecked husband, may 
not drink, smoke or have an opinion of his own with- 
out his wife's permission. With the arrival of a 
friend, Percy Hamilton, he enters into a plot to cir- 
cumvent his wife and eventually becomes fnaster in 
his own house. 

"The Spirit of Captain Kidd" 

A Vaudeville Playlet in two scenes. 

Dealing with the absurd adventures of Timothy 
McSorley, an Irish laborer, and Hi Grass, u regular 
rube, who, on learning of treasure buried by the no- 
torious pirate. Captain Kidd, set out to find it. 

This excruciatingly funny playlet is in two 
scenes. It is one long scream from,start to finish. 

"Two Girls and Him" 

A Comedy classic in one scene for two Females and 
one Male. 

Ttiere is a vein of exquisite sentiment running 
through this little playlet. 

Florence and Birdie Feathertop find themselves 
stranded. Timothy McDufT hears of their sad plight 
and spends his earnings to pay their way to the city. 

••What Every Woman Thinks She foioW 

A Suffragette Monologue. 

This monologue on the sufTragfctte question is a 
scream from beginning to end. More ludicrous "pat- 
ter" could not well be imagined. There is a dash of 
brilliant wit and humor that cannot fail to please. 



ANY OF THE ABOVE 25 CENTS EACH 

M. WITMARK & SONS 

86 WITMARK BUILDING New York 



